A blog by: Anonymous
I received this through the charities Messenger account and would like to share this as there are thousands of partners, family members and friends of kidney cancer patients that, thought they may not have the disease, they live with it every day, feeling helpless to help their loved ones. This feels all the more poignant in Kidney Cancer Awareness Week so, I wanted to share the message, with full permission of the author, as it encapsulates those emotions and highlights that you are not alone. And, maybe talking it out isn’t the way for release for you, but maybe just writing your feelings down and sharing them anonymously- or taking that piece of paper and throwing in the fire after- may help get it out of your system; even just for a short time.
Thank you to anonymous for sharing this moving and touching blog.
Hi, I’m not sure if this is in the right spirit or the type of thing you post but my husband has kidney cancer and it’s been a horrible year for our whole family.
With no access to support due to Covid, I scribbled down some feelings on the bad days just to get them out. I’m too embarrassed to post anything but if you think other family members might be experiencing similar emotions then I’d be happy for my ramblings to be shared as an anonymous post.
My life is lovely, I love my job, my kids are amazing, happy marriage etc etc. I have no idea how to deal with suddenly having all these negative emotions…. But;
I feel patronised by every well meaning acquaintance who wants to impart their wisdom.
I feel belittled by the people who reassure me that I’m worrying for nothing and it will all be ok.
I feel jealous looking at my social media feed. Resenting those who are having the adventures that used to be ours.
I feel angry with those who are foolish enough to firmly believe that positive thoughts or prayers could solve and cure and heal.
I feel isolated from the friends I no longer relate to, no longer enjoy their company, no longer sympathise with their everyday struggles. I feel frightened for our family’s future that has been jeopardized by this indiscriminate injustice.
I feel inadequate in the face of responsibility and medical knowledge that are above my capabilities.
I feel panicked as if my heart might break and my brain can’t keep up and the ground is unsteady below me.
I feel negative, unable to celebrate the happy results as the bad results are lurking in the corners of the future, just waiting to creep out and consume me.
I feel alone. Even in a room full of people, full of noise and full of love, I still feel alone.
I feel hopeful that things will get better and that somehow I’ll find the strength and courage to face whatever comes.